"I puked, I peed, I won"

Goin into my first race ever at Sea Otter in beginner 19-24 I was sick yet stoked. I was battling the grandaddy of all sinus infections (still goin and currently at 3.5 weeks!) on race day and like a noob took the roll of vacuum crew during breakfast and ended up eating at least 6 eggs (I hate seein food lyin around uneaten). I was well hydrated but of course I messed that up too by drinking a full bottle of accelerade like 1/2 an hour before the race and I could feel it makin a nice little lake in my stomach. Had a decent warm up, next time I'll pull a mr. clean and use a trainer, and got down to the track and of course had to pee again but the lines were three miles long and my race was in like 10 min so in the spirit of noobiness I thought I would just "deal with it." So got up to the starting line and forgot my leg time chip! Oh wait that was mr. clean... but I did forget to take a Gu about 15min before the race so I took it about 5 min before the race and I knew it just made my little lake chocolate Gu colored in my stomach. Pumped for the race we started and I pulled away taking a pretty significant lead by the end of the first climb. I was passing riders from the group infront by the end of the first downhill section and was doin ok for the downhill sections for the first bit. At about mile 4 I figured out that another guy from my class had caught up to me as I was findin my way through the course and tryin to get around people from the other class. Anywhoo I lost some traction and had to step off on a little turn and he passed me at this point, mile 6. At this point in the race I was startin to feel pretty nauseated and hadn't had anything to drink or another Gu b/c of this. The guy that passed me was kinda goin out of sight, I'd see him on some of the uphill sections and such but I was really feelin bad. At about mile 8 I had to make a decision, either keep riding but go slow and let that guy win and not puke or force myself to puke in hopes of feelin better so I could recover and have a chance of catchin this guy. I chose option #2 and leaned off my bike and tried to puke while riding, not a good idea. A couple of dry heaves later and some minor puke on my shoe caused me to pull over and let it all go, and thus I parted with my chocolate lake to the disgust of the peanut gallery passing me. I hopped back on the bike, no water still nauseated, and started goin again passing those guys who had seen me puke. One guy said, "hey weren't you just puking back there?" and I replied in the spirit of the Witch himself, "Let's go!" (i wanted that onesource jacket). So I started feelin less nauseated but now my other noob decision was comin back to haunt me, I had to pee! In my mind I again had two options: pull over and pee or like in Dumb and Dumber to "just go man!" This decision was way easier than the first b/c I had already become a biohazard so why not go up a couple levels??? What I didn't know was that this was much easier said than done. After some failed attempts, I finally convinced myself to go and was amused to see it all run into my left shoe. Soo I was markin my territory at like mile 10 or so and after this I started to feel like I was really ready to hammer and took my first drink of water and Gu at mile 11 or so. I started uncorking and was flyin by people and asking everyone if they had seen a guy pass them in a grey and black jersey. I passed some guys right after the water station who said he was 3 minutes ahead!!! I had my work cut out for me and was hoping that I could get him on the last 5 mile uphill at the end of the race. So I was about a mile or so into this last uphill and I caught a glimpse at least a half mile ahead of what I thought was my man. I was out of the saddle big ring racefacing that whole thing hoping that it was him. A couple miles later I could see him looking back at me and I knew it was him! Right when I came up to the OneSource cheering section I was right on his tail and took an outside line on the right on an uphill and came even with him and then I knew the race only had about a mile and a half left and I knew this lead into a singletrack and that this was the time to take the win away. So I nailed it with all I had and opened up about a forty yard lead going into the last downhill part which ended up being Really long and he ended up catching me at the very end which went into a steep pitch up to the raceway. I saw the washout on the uphill and that there were people all over the place and decided to hop off the bike and sprint up the hill. He did the same, but I got back on the bike a little faster and hammered hitting 43mph on the track going down to the finish where I won by 7 sec. I was stoked and praised God for this epic race that He had brought me through biohazard and all.
ok i'm done.